Relationships: My Fiancée Slipped Away Three Months to Our Wedding Due to Misguided Advice

Nakatudde Annet (not real names), a boutique owner in Mulungo, Kampala, a young vibrant woman on the cusp of matrimony, was eagerly preparing for her impending wedding, in three months, when she began to notice unsettling changes in her fiancé, Amos Kato.

Despite two years of shared life and a joyful 18-month-old son, their once harmonious dynamic was disrupted by Kato’s newfound habits: late nights, secretive phone conversations, and occasional outbursts of rudeness.

“He would rush to the toilet to take calls, and when I asked for his help with simple tasks, he’d either snap at me or come up with excuses,” Nakatudde recounted tearfully. “I was overwhelmed with stress and suspicions of infidelity. Thoughts raced through my mind – was he cheating on me? Was he planning to abandon me at the altar? Did he have other children?”

Seeking solace and guidance, Nakatudde turned to the wisdom of her elders. She ran to her Ssenga first, Mama Nantume, and was advised to be patient and not react unless Kato told her he was done with her or asked to talk. Nakatudde said the Ssenga mentioned that this is a common phase in men about to get married, sometimes due to anxiety, money, or plans. Her parents gave her the same advice asking her to trade carefully and be patient with Kato.

Yet, despite their well-intentioned advice to exercise patience and restraint, Nakatudde’s unease persisted.

Unsatisfied with the counsel received, Nakatudde sought the perspectives of her close friends, Anita, Caroline, and Betty. While Betty aligned with the sentiments of Nakatudde’s elders, Anita and Caroline urged her to delve deeper into her suspicions. This divergence in advice led Nakatudde to probe further, eventually culminating in the discovery of incriminating messages on Kato’s phone – conversations about purchasing a house and car with another woman. But little did she know that her fears were far from reality!

In a whirlwind of anger and betrayal, Nakatudde confronted Kato, leading to the dissolution of their engagement and plans for marriage.  “The messages were quite many to this particular woman, some with mobile money deposits, interior designs for the house, plans to meet and go to the car bond to choose a car, he kept saying he wanted a big smile on his woman’ s face.I was deeply hurt and felt betrayed” she narrated

Nakatudde returned to her friends for advice saying at that time they understood her most and would resonate with her plight. They advised her to quit the relationship before getting embarrassed on her ‘Kwanjula’ and wedding. She heeded and called off the wedding without properly exhausting the matter with Kato. I ‘regret’ she said, because by the time I realised the truth, it was too late; Kato had moved on.

Only later did Nakatudde realize the gravity of her actions. Kato had been planning the house and car as wedding gifts for her with one of his cousin sisters, not realizing the havoc his secrecy had wrought.

Nakatudde’s journey serves as a stark reminder of the dangers of heeding advice without careful consideration. While the counsel of elders and friends can provide valuable perspectives, it is essential to balance external input with personal intuition and discernment.

In the realm of relationships, where emotions run deep and vulnerabilities abound, the truest guidance often lies within oneself. For in matters of the heart, the wrong advice can lead to irreparable damage and heartache.

Even counselors, who are trained to help with relationship issues, have their limits. While they can offer valuable strategies for improving communication and resolving conflicts, they can’t fix everything. It takes effort from both people in the relationship to make things work.

Nicole Akello, a marriage and relationship expert based at Good  Glory Church in Makindye , Kampala says she advises clients and people who cosult her not to rush into making decisions  or assumptions when there are misunderstandings. Akello says much as sharing a problem is good not everyone gives benefitial advice.

She further states that misconceptions a bound to happen when couples loose trust in one another and opt to finding it from people  outside the relationship.

“When you check your spouse’s or lover’s  phone thats already a sign of mistrust, what follows that is assumptions you make up in your mind to satisfy your curiosity. Thirdly, if you cant or refuse to share with your partner whats disturbing you, the relationship is bound to end badly” she said

Akello further noted: “Every relationship is tailor made to have its unique challenges and ways to resolve them. Someone else will offer you based on their own experience or what they know and this may not work for your affair”.